ma vie en rose

I've effectively quit smoking, but I still need it for social networking. It just feels alluring even though I've seen pictures and oh god it's awful. I like to have the excuse to go out on the stoop with a select group out of the party upstairs, have better conversations, get some undivided attention... Or maybe I just love working that ratio. I know smoking isn't sexy but when there are like, 6 guys out on the stoop, and me....come on you can't blame me. I fucking love boys. And I like when they lean in and light my cigarette so our faces are so close we'd be kissing if it weren't for the barrier of a flame midway between our lips. Prolonging eye contact durring the lighting, wrapping my lips around the end and taking the first drag, smiling a bit... "thanks" I can't be faulted for this behavior but it feels so ridiculously brazen. ( So french.)

Two guys I know would not stop sneakily kissing me when I wasn't expecting it, grabbing my ass and talking about Eiffel Towering me. Sketchy as hell. It might have been the most fun I've had in months. I feigned shock at the suggestion, but shit, that would be fun. When they left around 1, they seemed to think I was coming with them.... They were serious?? Damn, I didn't know people actually did that. I thought I was the only one that ridiculous. That's on my list, y'all. No way were we drunk enough for an Eiffel Tower situation, but maybe that would have been a good thing. I think I'd like to remember that clearly.

Instead, I went home alone and thought about it.