I don't care for Ecstacy

I think E is a little over-rated. I used to think it would be such a perfect drug for me, fascilitating slutty hedonistic behavior so well, but I didn't plan on like, looking for it because it sounded so bad and taboo, not an everyday drug like weed or coke. Also people had told me that if I had sex on Ecstacy I would never have an orgasm again. This scared me when I was like, 16, and they were relatively hard to come by, but later I was like, bitch please, I think I have it under control, thanks.

My ex boyfriend Will offered it when we were hanging out one night. We'd been broken up for a while and were getting back into being friends, which would turn into sex soon enough. This was like our third time around. We're sitting on a bench and his skeezy dealer friend walks by. Will puts is arm around me and says, "Hey John to you have any E?" John looks back and forth at us. He hates me. 'For two? yeah" Wil asks me if I want to. and offers to pay. It's so unsmooth and obvious it's almost endearing. "Yeah but I'm not going to have sex with you." Will gets 10 points for not laughing out loud. "uh yeah....ok."

Our shit was in powder form. Reliable sources have informed me that this means it's good, but that shit tore up my nose so I made him give me a ritalin to chase it with.

As we started making out I fell back into sex-with-Will mode very thouroughly. You know how when you hook up with someone you used to be familliar with, but haven't had in a while, it takes you a little while to remember what to do with them, exactly? It didn't take me very long, maybe because Will is so fucking weird. He used to beg me to smack him in the face when we fooled around, and if I was mad at him I could, but I think I killed the sentiment by saying "omigod I'm so sorry dude are you ok you sure?" One time he was shredding a tire with a knife and when I asked him why he said h was making a cat o nine tails for me to use on him. I think I was wearing a pink polo and pearls at the time, and I laughed my ass off. He really wanted to be tied up and whipped, beaten, fucked in the ass with a strap on, and I truly wanted to be a good girlfriend, I swear, but I just can't.

the best I could do was the standard hair pulling, biting, and scratching when we were fucking, which I doled out in full effect under the influence of E. Later we were doing lines with Paul and Will had not put his shirt back on. He kept walking around, probably oblivious to the vicous clawings all over his back. I tore that kid up, I think I drew blood. He had a scar a week later. I'm almost proud of myself.

But really, the sex, not that good. I gave it 100%, I worked hard, but far from the "best sex i'd ever had", as so many people had said it would be. Not even the best sex I ever had with Will. The high felt more like a combination of whippets and drunkeness, which made me feel a little dissociated, like I was directing myself from on off-screen location. I came but I never got to where I know I could, I didn't feel my head spin, my body didn't fill up and explode, my legs didn't shake, I didn't get a real, thourough release. I could tell that I was done but I felt like maybe I had missed it, like I hadn't been paying attention. Stupid Ecstacy. I guess there are no drugs that go well with sex?