my ex-fake-boyfriend Mark likes to IM me randomly and do that "trip down memory lane" thing that I enjoy so much. He's a good kid, he was the first person to tell me I was hot, so I have some affection for him. He's dumb as a stone; if I didn't get off on attention and if he wasn't so pretty I would have cut him off by now because shit he is so boring.

Mark goes back and forth between "remember that time we..." and "you know what we should do..." I can't beleive how much he remembers about specific instances. "Remember the second to last time we had sex that summer, after the party at the house behind 7 11? like, we went for so long cause we were all drunk. And you passed out like right away lol" yeah man that 15 minutes was epic. Not kidding, this kid told me not to move my hips while we had sex because it made him cum too fast. Same with me being on top. And guys who wanna fuck a girl from behind are "just tryin to be gangsta or some shit."

The other day he asked me, "I never got you off, did I?" wait were you trying to? what kind of sub par Bush-administration-approved sex ed course did you have in high school?!
"Welllll no..."
"Damn why's it so hard to get girls off?"
"Actually I get off pretty easily, I think."
"Haha I don't think so" oh, well if you say so, Mark....

I was making out with him ooutside my building, I'm trying to go home and he keeps kissing my neck and that shit always, always works, so I end up running my hands down his abs to the button of his pants and say "I mean you can come with me and hang out if you want..." He says he couldn't beleive how fast I got my clothes off, and his. I wasn't wasting any time. While we were fooling around I remember wondering why he wasn't making any attempt to eat me out or finger me or anything at all, I was doing everything. I thought, this is an awful lot like high school for someone 2 years older than me!

I hooked up with him some more, thinking he'd get around to it and eventually I gave up but kept hooking up with him because it was easy and there were perks. Giving him head took very little time or effort and he was soo fucking grateful, every time I'd hear a sad story about how his ex girlfriend never would. And his friend Grant was more fun (last I heard, working in the porn industry, took first naked pics of me, and they looked so good I couldn't beleive it was me when I looked at them and deleted them once he passed out) but that was no sleepover thing.

But anyways. Mark is pretty dumb. He can start a sentance with "I loved it when you..." or "I really miss your..." and I start the sentance a little excited but he manages to take the sexy out of everything by sounding like he's in middle school pretending he's an adult.

He told me I looked like two porn stars he'd seen. The first looked not at all like me. Skinny with big boobs and light brown hair but that's it. But at least she was an actual porn star- "Damn, you're fucking Ron Jeremey in this video!" The next video he sent was just some random bloated looking lard ass lobotmized special ed girl who couldn't figure out how to put a dick in her mouth and should never be video taped doing anything, ever. (The idea of Mark and this girl trying to figure out how to fuck at all is actually hillarious. And it's not wrong to laugh, because they aren't retarded, they're just losers) I said "Fuck you I am not nearly as fat as her!" "Well no but your boobs are that big." "they don't look like that! Her tits look like my mom's! ...I think" So I had to send him a few pictures, he seemed cofused. "You are skinny in this picture! I can see yo ribs!" "I told you I wasn't as fat as her!" And then I blocked him because I don't want to talk to someone who would tell me I look like that girl.

More importantly, the video upset me because if someone were videotaping me I sure as hell wouldn't half ass it. Tyra has taught me that you have to commit to whatever you do and find your best angles to hide your flaws and even if you have a gag reflex you model through it.