An Inspirational Tale

Sometimes I feel like where I am now with S, considering where we started, is an inspirational fable to give hope to hoes the world over

So this girl, she was kinda fucked up, with the Daddy Issues and shit, so she was kind of a slut, she was just trying to have fun without getting to into anyone and she met this guy that thought she was cute and they went out. He tried to treat her like a girl he wanted to date, and she got freaked out cause she'd never seen that outside of a romantic comedy.

So she pulls the classic move where she deliberately fucks up, she fucks this other guy and tells the guy she's been going out with, figures he's gonna want to run away after that, right? But he stays around. Only now she's demonstrated that she'd never be a decent girlfriend and that she doesn't care about him more than just fooling around.

But they keep talking all the time and a few random visits. For the next year they're sorta talking but not really, and she likes him but doesn't have the balls to admit it. Meanwhile he knows he shouldn't be wasting his time with a girl that made it clear from the start that he wasn't a thing to her. As she starts to figure out maybe he is, he's actually dating another girl, a religious one who doesn't put out, but lies about it to keep this girl willing to fool around with him once in a while.

Eventually she figures out that this guy is treating her like shit and backs off. With enough distance, she comes to the conclusion that she's gotta stay away because maybe, just maybe, she can't hook up with this guy without getting 'attached'. And after a while he starts up saying he misses her and that other girl wasn't right for him, that he was trying to be something he's not and he wants to see her again.

And for the first time she tells him what's up, tells him he hurt her, tells him she actually liked him and he treated her like shit and she wanted him and by dating a girl who's obviously wrong for him he just rubs her face in the rejection. And, for the first time not wanting him, she's able to tell him, without fear of what he's gonna think of her because he's a fucking cunt anyways, she tells him that she can't just hook up with him without having feelings for him. She thought she could, but she was wrong. She says she can't see him unless it was for real, unless he actually cared about her. She thinks, this has got to be an even better exit strategy than fucking another guy. But no. He says ok. Maybe he actually wants to be with her.

But she's obviously scared and she's been telling herself to stay the fuck away. "I made a mistake" he says. Yes you fucking did, you fucker, she thinks. "I didn't know what I wanted." Hmm...yeah that's hard for me too actually, she thinks.

And as she thinks about, she thinks how she's made some mistakes, how maybe if she hadn't screwed that other guy just to push him away, maybe things would have gone differently, maybe if she'd stepped up and admitted to herself that she might actually care about him, if she hadn't assumed he was gonna hurt her if she let him, if she knew herself then well enough to know that this guy was, in fact, what she wanted. Maybe, in spite of being so together and almost supernaturally smart, it took him a while to figure it out too. She thinks about the things she's changed in herself, about her fuck ups that she's learned from. She thinks, if I can fix my shit, shouldn't I give him the chance to do the same?

She's scared as shit but she's thinking, the worst that can happen is that she totally falls for him and then gets fucking destroyed when he leaves her and feels worse than she'd ever imagined a person could feel. That will suck. But after that, what else would be scary? Perhaps the reason people do this is that it's worth it. So, not without some struggle, she lets herself get close to him and has to find out that not only is he perfect, he cares about her and takes good care of her. Even though she reacts to cancelled visits as though they were threatening breakups, feels edgy around the interim girlfriend-now-just-friend she lost to once before, and sometimes in bed starts crying for no reason, he never for a second stops being wonderful and loving and perfect.

And somehow he just gets better, and she starts to realize how lucky they are. She can't believe that the best sex she's ever had gets better every time, that they like each other more and more, that something so good for her can feel like an indulgence.



For most of college, I thought I would try to have fun without getting too attached to anyone. I actively avoided getting to know anyone I hooked up with. And every time I did something in that pattern, I thought I was digging myself deeper in a slut hole. I had conceded defeat and thought no one could really want me. But now I think at least this one case of the Reformed Slut is possible, I'm sure there are more. And I think everyone should be so jealous. In my cynicism I thought no one could have a relationship this good; I'd have laughed if you'd told me I would, especially this young. I never thought I'd be able to have this.