Before I got on the train to go to DC this weekend I went out for a bottle of wine with one of my professors, so for the begining of the ride I was kinda lit. I have a trigger that is set off by a certain BAC- I start making flirty eyes at everyone. Across the aisle and two rows up was a tall, broad shouldered, 20 something boy who I couldn't help looking up and down when he walked across to the bathroom. At one point I made some prolonged eye contact, and my half-bottle of wine made me smile a little as I eye-fucked him a little. I might have licked my lips. Who knows.

I headed up to the snack car hoping to get a delightfully fake-tasting, vacuum-packed sammich. As I'm standing in line, I feel something on the back of my neck. It's that guy! "I like your scarf." What a weirdo! Well whatever, I got like 2 more hours to kill. He asks if I wanna have a drink with him, but didn't offer to pay for it, so I figured I wasn't implying anything by it, right?

Turns out he's in the Navy, get a A.S. in Phys Ed, would be a personal trainer if he could only pass the test, lives in Jersey and makes it clear he hates all of it. A real winner. "So that's why I have to drink." Hot. I give it a good effort, I smile and flip my hair and I do the eye thing a little. He's not subtle about looking me up and down appreciatively but I can't get him to say much. We finish out drinks and head back to our seats. Just as I start in on my Vogue he sits down next to me to share his big bottle of rum and coke. Well, ok.

"What's the craziest thing you've done lately?" Hmm, what's the lamest movie line you've quoted lately? I ramble about getting arrested or the shit we pulled this summer, and that isn't doing it for him. "When's the last time you were really satisfied?" Ha. Haha. Wow. I'm a super bitch so I say "What?" and make him repeat it. "Hmm, the last time I was really satisfied...wow... I guess like, Sunday? Or maybe Wednesday or Tuesday. But definitly Sunday." He was not expecting that. "Wow you're doing better than me!"
"Well, that's not you're fault, you're in the goddamn Navy!"
"Yeah but still....like, last Sunday?"
"Yeah I do ok."

Navy guy starts to look for a way to convince me to mess around on the boy I'm on my way to see. Y'all have got to stop that, it's sorta pathetic. His deep depression is breaking my heart so I sorta lean in and tell him that if I'd met him on a train a few months ago, I would be trying like hell to get him to sneak into the bathroom with me.

Is that true? That's something I used to think about on the train, how hot it would be to meet a stranger and sneak off to the bathroom and tear into each other. C'mon, it sounds hot. If it weren't for S, would I wanna get on Navy boy? If I was just heading home, no boy anywhere, and this great looking but a bit dim, just off from the military was trying this hard, what would make me say no?

And where are these guys when I don't have a better option waiting for me? I shut it off over the summer, and now I've had like 5 guys do this, come on really strong and then try to talk me into it after I explain. Points for persistance, but come on, don't be that guy!