Mini-Vacation

I wasn't even going to go at first. I starting talking to this boy I went out with two years ago, just flirting a little online, talking about how much fun we used to have. I'd always back off when he wanted to make plans to see each other. This boy is lovely, so sweet to me, chilled out and fun, fucking gorgeous blonde hair blue eyes tall great shoulders. When we were together 2 years back, he would sometimes look at me in that adoring, heartbreakingly sweet way that I didn't think I could possibly deserve, since I felt like I was just going through the motions.

He was great to be around but I had never wanted him bad, I didn't ache for him, I didn't lose my mind when he fucked me. He'd never gotten me off, and that didn't seem like a problem to him. Being 18, I wasn't so demanding back then, but that certainly did nothing to motivate me to go see him. Planning a visit, he was raving about how great I am at giving head (and yeah, you should always say that to a girl, I know) and he said, "Don't worry, I'll take good care of you, too" Oh really? That'll be interesting. "I have the place to myself, we can just hang out all day, laying out in the sun, fooling around, drinking a lil, be naked all day, just have a nice little vacation for you before you go back to school." Well ok.

In the car on the way to his house, we were both eye-fucking the shit out of each other. I thought, I don't care if he can't bone, dude looks good. Back at his house, I sat on the couch and glanced across the room at him, tracing my collarbone with my finger. Kind of shamelessly. "Oh babe," he said, dropping his things and walking towards me. "Look at you." Making out on his couch, I started to realize this was not the same guy from two years ago. This kid had grown up. When his hand slid up my skirt I figured out he was going to be orders of magnitude better. Soon he was making me moan and laying me down on my back. He pulled my leg over his shoulder and started fucking me slowly, perfectly, better than I could imagine. My skin was on fire.

Where did you come from? How long have you been able to do that? Why didn't you tell me? Baby if I had known what you could do to me, I'd have come to see you months ago. I would have made time.

We stayed in our underwear all day, sitting outside drinking and smoking, coming back inside to play some more. He more than "took care of me," I came so hard and for so long I thought I would never walk again and I didn't really care. I still can't beleive this is the boy from 2 years ago, the one that told me not to move my hips when we fucked cause it would make him cum too fast, the one that said doggy style was gross, the one who didn't know what a clit was. I don't know what happened, but he should be very pleased with himself. He fucked me every way possible all over that house, and every time, every position was perfect, fluid, and beautiful to watch. I wish I had a camera. Everything came naturally- I've never been a fan of being on top, but straddling his lap, my hips just went and went, thinking for themselves, grinding perfect circles up and down on his dick. The entire day was this deep slow burn, amazingly getting better and better each time.

The weird thing is, it was like boyfriend sex. That's the only way I can think to describe it. I mean, it was incredibly hot, which was enough of a suprise, but it felt like he wanted to take all of me in, he took his time even as I was bucking my hips against him. He would stop for a few seconds and just look at me, run his hands over my body, brush the hair out of my eyes, kiss my neck.... After we were done he would stay inside me, holding me and kissing me.

The next day he made me breakfast and I layed out on his patio. He brought me a drink, just generally spoiled the hell out of me. He sprayed both of us down with the mist setting on the hose, little droplets of water beading up on our skin. As I layed there drying off in the sun, he got up and came over to me. "Ok you just look too good right now, I have to have you." He pulled off my suit and his and went at it in the backyard. I can't even tell you how many times I have fanatsized about that, laying out tanning until some gorgeous boy tears off my bathing suit and takes me right there. God, I nearly died.

When we weren't doing that we were talking all night, life stories and everything. Why was I so dismissive of him for so long? This kid is perfect, but I can't be with him. I felt like I was right where I wanted to be, completely at ease. Standing in his kitchen, he pulled me close to him and brushed my hair out of my eyes and said, "I could fall in love with you, you know." Oh don't tell me that.

thanks for that

Just had one of the best self-induced, non battery powered orgasms in a while. I didn't even mean to. An accident. I was thinking about someone I shouldn't be thinking about for like, a list of reasons. Not a reason that would abviously make it hotter, like, “You can't do that, he's your teacher!” or a reason that makes it actully wrong, like “You can't do that, he's 16!” but a reason along the lines of, “You can't do that, that will end very very badly for you, and you should know better.” Normally when that sceario comes up in my head I either find something else to do, or I just... pretend it's someone else, that I have yet to meet, who makes me cum as good as he does but without the negative side effects. I can dream.

I'm hesitant, of course, to get off thinking about him That's soo maladaptive, right? The idea is to hook up with new people. But rather than stop myself this time I let it play out in my head. I was not unreasonable, obviously it's tempting to imagine him saying something like, oh you're so much hotter/better than the girl I'm dating now, but come on, even when rubbing one out I wouldn't be that self indulgent. I mean, no one's that predictable right?

No, actually more fun than feeling superior, I was enjoying the anxiousness I'd enevitably feel in such a situation, ya know, where you want to but you shouldn't... it's fun to imagine the knowing looks that say, Come on I know you're dying for it, your attempts at self control aren't fooling anyone. And as I sat there with his hand up my skirt some part of my brain would be pleading with me to stop him and I'd like to think that I would (in real life), but see, when it's in your head, you can do whatever you want. So, if I did let that shit go down, it might feel something like....ooh just like that. Mmm thanks babe.

Dear classes,

I have had about enough of you, and I am tired of your unreasonable demands. You have the audacity to expect my attendance on a regular basis, you require I get out of bed before noon, you eat up my time with your tedious shit like reading and paper writing, you impede on my gym time, my nap time, my tv watching, and you seem to keep happening durring peak tanning hours of the day.

Tired of your shit,
Sarah

P.S. we are so over.

You should all start watching The Girls Next Door. It's three super cute Playboy girls who live at the Mansion with Hugh Hefner and they're just so cute and happy all the time, all they do is play and do photoshoots. I thought the Playboy culture was kind of tacky and sleazy and it is tacky but it's so campy and sugar coated it doesn't even seem slutty. I find nothing wrong with the retired Playmates bringing their kids to parties. Sure there's boobs everywhere, but it's not like it's dirty!

My favorite part is when they talk about Hef. They have such genuine affection for him, when they are sad cause they lost their puppy or something, he makes them feel better, they're so excited to spend time with him, and it's so cute to hear them talk about what they love about him, it's like the way you might talk about your 7th grade boyfriend, like, "He likes basketballl and his favorite color is sea blue and his favorite food is cool ranch dorritos" or something like that. They're so eager for approval, I mean, I get that it's just a manifestation of daddy issues but everyone's so happy, so who are you to judge? It's so enjoyable to watch a group of people that could never function is most situations, and realize, this is the place for you. You are right where you are supposed to be, sweetheart.

Tonight they showed them filming their workout videos! I've done those videos! Bridget's Bunny Bootcamp! Y'all are so cute.

Next time on The Girls Next Door- Holly VO's, "I've always wanted to go horseback riding!" as she steps out of her bathroom in a white bra and leather gun holster. I love kitch! Kendra interviews- "I have never felt so much pain in my ass (record scratch noise) Oh wait, actually..." I knew she was cooler than the other two.

The Real World, Gaithersburg- Science Camp, Season 2?

My application to NIST summer research 2007 is in. This week I wrote up my little personal statement about all the research I want to do, trying to make myself sound like a respectable person.

They did have fantastic fascilities, I had a great advisor and I worked in a beautiful brand new building and I had all these fun instruments to play with. And I did fucking good work.

We lived in a hotel with a pool and 75 other college kids and free wine and beer Monday-Thursday 5-7. Seriously, come back from work, free beer and drunk hot tub antics, Friday could be pong all night, Saturday by the pool and DC clubs at night, more laying out all Sunday... Couldn't' ask for anything else.

At the same time, I've never been so tense and anxious about social situations in my life, we were so overly self-involved and together to the point of being incestuous . I've never had that kind of omnipresent drama, with emails at work as our confessionals. We'd write back and forth all day trying to come up with more clever insightful ways of describing what had happened the night before. High school wasn't this bad.

I don't know I'll get in again, with my GPA as it is, but I don't know if I can handle that shit again. The last month, I pretty much stopped caring and I thought, well I'm leaving soon, I can do whatever I want, I can black out at a nightclub and I can smoke a bowl in the parking lot and I can fool around with the token lesbian from Smith and I can make out with my roommate's crush in front of her and I can get in fights that end violently and I can wake up in other people's rooms and I can go to work drunk and I can go to work hungover ... all the while drunkenly giggling, "oooh we work for the government, y'all...."

We used to joke that there was no way they could pay us that much and pay for our rooms and fund our research for the little use we were. We must be a social experiement, or a reality tv show in the making, we're the less sexy Laguna Beach. We party harder though.